Tactical Tip: Moving to Eye Level

I have a friend who is very tall. Tall like I stare at his chest when I talk to him. I know he isn’t necessarily smarter, healthier, or generally better than me. He’s just bigger than me. I have to be honest. It’s intimidating. I have to fight through several internal dialogues before I can have a face to face conversation with him and not be distracted. Several weeks ago we decided to meet for breakfast. As soon as he sat down I discovered something – I didn’t have to fight through my intimidation. Sure, he was still taller in the restaurant booth, but not as much as when I’m standing next to him. The simple act of him moving to my level bridged the gap and cleared the air for conversation. It was awesome.

It also highlights a very simple tactical move you can make every single day when meeting with people in small groups and 1 on 1. I believe it can make an appreciable difference in coaching, mentoring, counselling, and leadership conversations with others. It’s something that will take you approximately four (4) seconds to accomplish. It’s so simple and so obvious that many people never think to do it.

Tactical Tip: Move to Eye Level

That’s it. Simply do whatever you can to get on or near the same level as the person(s) you are talking to. (Note: I’m not talking about speaking to large crowds.) Moving to eye level will help to remove psychological barriers that neither of you probably even know exist. It unconsciously communicates equality and acceptance. On the other hand, NOT moving to eye level may create emotional barriers that can cause either you, or the person(s) you are meeting with to feel mildly uncomfortable.

• When You Are Above Eye Level
  When you remain above eye level with people you may be unintentionally and unconsciously communicating that you are above or better than them in some way. At the very least, you may be increasing the potential for them to be intimidated, especially if you have an intimidating personality or are in some form of authority over them.

NOTE: Just to clear things up. Whether you are in authority over them or not, you are certainly not better than them – at least in God’s eyes. If you ‘like’ the feeling of looking down on people then I suggest you do some self-evaluation. That could be a sign of an unhealthy insecurity or pride on your part.

• When You Are Below Eye Level
  When you remain below eye level you risk doing the exact opposite. It’s possible that you are unintentionally communicating that you are lower than or not as good as they are. Additionally, you may also be communicating that same thing to yourself. Personally, I don’t think you are communicating humility so much as insecurity – even if you don’ t mean or want to.

  NOTE: Again, just to clear the air, it’s not healthy to convince yourself or others that everyone else is better than you. That’s simply not true. God didn’t pick you ‘last’ for the game as if He didn’t have any other options. You have a holy calling just like the next guy/gal and it’s OK for you to live and act as someone of value in God’s sight. After all, He died for you so that you can live in complete freedom and authority.

How To Do It.
If you don’t normally move to eye level when talking to others, then it might feel awkward for a while until you develop the habit. For me, I often move to eye level unconsciously, without even realizing it.

Let me give you some practical examples of how to move to eye level.

• Meet Sitting Down.
  If you know your conversation will be more than a few minutes and you are considerably taller or shorter than those you are meeting with, consider asking them to sit down with you. It doesn’t matter where. You can sit down at a conference room table, on the seats in your sanctuary or the front steps of the church.
• Adjust Your Chair.
  Most of us have an office chair that adjusts up and down. If you don’t, then I recommend you invest in one if you are in the habit of meeting with others in your office. Adjust your seat immediately after they sit down to the most appropriate eye level. If they are taller than you, move your seat up; if shorter, then move your seat down. Don’t make a big deal out of it and don’t spend more than four seconds making the adjustment.
• Remove Furniture That Forces Awkward Eye Contact
  Years ago I had a couch in my office. Everyone who sat in it would sink far down into the couch. Even after moving my chair to the lowest setting I would still find myself peering down at my visitors. I eventually got rid of it and have never regretted it. If you have a couch or chair in your office that is extra plush, then consider replacing it with something else or sit in a similar seat in the office that will place you near their same eye level.
  
• Small Group Settings.
  If you are leading a small group discussion or meeting and plan to sit together at a table or in a circle, try to adjust your chair to the average height in the room. For example, I lead a team meeting every Tuesday at Elim Gospel Church. I sit at the head of our conference room table. One of my first acts while everyone is getting settled and before the meeting begins is to adjust my seat to a comfortable eye level with most people in the room.
• The Wheelchair Bound
  The rules don’t change when someone is bound to a wheelchair. In fact, it may be even more important to find simple ways to meet them at eye level. They spend the majority of their time looking up at people and will very much appreciate the extra effort to meet them at their level. It will communicate volumes to them.
• Talking to Children.
  I am a firm believer that the best way to greet a parent is to first greet his/her child. The best way to do this is to simply kneel down to their level while you are greeting them. Of course, it’s important that you maintain a safe distance from young children or kids that don’t know you so you don’t freak them out. However, children will almost always light right up when they see you stoop down to their level to talk with them. I’ve never met a parent who didn’t appreciate it either (unless you totally ignore them after you greet the child.)