Thursday Quote: Crucial Confrontations
Today, I’m quoting from the book, Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior, by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler. If you ever or even occasionally find yourself in the scenario of having to confront someone – I highly recommend this book.
“The first time a problem comes up, talk about the Content, what just happened: ‘You drank too much at the luncheon, became inebriated, started talking too loud, made fun of our clients, and embarrassed the company.’ The content of a problem typically deals with a single event – the here and now.
The next time the problem occurs, talk Pattern, what has been happening over time: ‘This is the second time this has occurred. You agreed it wouldn’t happen again, and I’m concerned that I can’t count on you to keep a promise.’ Pattern issues acknowledge that problems have histories and that histories make a difference. Frequent and continued violations affect the other person’s predictability and eventually harm respect and trust….
As the problem continues, talk about Relationship, what’s happening to us. Relationship concerns are far bigger than either the content or the pattern. The issue is not that other people have disappointed you repeatedly; it’s that the string of disappointments has caused you to lose trust in them: You doubt their competency, you don’t respect or trust their promises, and this is affecting the way you treat one another: ‘This is starting to put a strain on how we work together. I feel like I have to nag you to keep you in line, and I don’t like doing that. I guess my fear is that I can’t trust you to keep the agreements you make.'”